Think of Me
by Nikki Chime
Summary: AU She is broken, he can't remember, and unless they find each other, nobody will be able to pick up the pieces.
1. Rose

A/n: I should be working on my other fic, but I got attacked by a plot bunny and this happened. For this story to resemble any kind of sense, pretend that Rose didn't get pulled into the void or the other universe after Doomsday. I don't care how you justify that (she held on just long enough and the void closed before she could hit it, the lever didn't fail, the other lever failed and the doctor, being the superiorly (if that's a word) agile time lord he is managed to fix it without getting pulled into the void himself) but just pretend that it's true. That's where the AU bit comes in.

You'll also have to bear with me when I tell you that Rose and the Doctor are not traveling together when this fic starts. That's the other place where the AU bit comes in. I'll probably explain why that is if I ever get around to finishing this, although if I do it will probably be very roundabout because that's pretty much how the writing seems to be turning out at this point.

000

She walks through the world, never quite seeing the things around her, never hearing the sound of people living their lives in harmony or discord, never smelling anything, not bread baking, not rotting corpses, nothing.

No. She smelled the apple grass, but she doesn't know what and she can't remember it anyway.

She walks, through revolutions and genocides, through peace and love, and none of it touches her. She tries to pretend that she is like those who live wherever she happens to be. She speaks when spoken to, she dances when someone asks her to, she accepts when people offer.

Except when they offer her a home, a place to live out her days. That she can't accept, even if she doesn't know why.

Sometimes someone will guess that something is wrong, that there is a void inside her that needs to be filled. A few of them try, and she smiles at them and says thank you. Rarely do they realize that they failed. In fact, only one woman ever did, and even she never found out why. None of them can fix her. She is empty, empty of life and empty of feelings.

Well, almost empty. There is something that drives her, an endless, wordless song that calls her, never letting her rest. But most days she can't hear it.

Sometimes people try to use her, and she usually lets them. It's written inside her, somewhere, to let the strangers do whatever they want to, because she is nothing, nobody, the lowest of the low because of something she did so long ago, so, so long ago when things still mattered to her. It hurts to think about that time, though, so she doesn't.

Mostly, anyway. Whenever something happens, something familiar and glowing, whenever she smells apple grass or is offered a home, whenever she hears the song and knows deep down that something out there is waiting for her, to hold her, to make her better, to love her, then the memories of way back when pull at her consciousness, trying to bring it out of hiding and stick it back together and make it work, somehow. She feels like an old computer that was hidden in the back of an attic only to have a psychotic psychologist hit her with a baseball bat again and again until she's in a thousand pieces and then scatter them all over the house so that even a hyperactive child pretending to be an explorer could never find her.

Only, she doesn't know what that means, computer and psychologist and baseball bat and explorer. She knows she should, but the emptiness always consumes the meaning and twists them until she forgets and can only walk forward, never looking back, because there's nothing to look at.

Absolutely nothing.


	2. Doctor

**Disclaimer: **I don't own. Just because I forgot last chapter doesn't mean I own.

A/n: Sorry if this is confusing. I just realized that since I'm the only one who knows what actually happened, then it might only make sense to me. Oh, and sometimes I'm going to reference or rewrite canon episodes. I'll warn you if there are spoilers. For example: **Possible Spoiler Alert:** Martha is in this one, and there are mentions of Gridlock (s3 ep3) and a brief mention of why they go to Cardiff in Utopia (s3 ep11). Also, I pretty much spill the plot of the first half of the episode New Earth (s2 ep1)

000

He doesn't know when this started. He doesn't know why the TARDIS keeps hiding things from him, or why She acts so sad when she does. He doesn't know why he thinks that there is something missing every time he's running, why there's an emptiness where someone's hand should be.

That's why he asked Martha to come with him, because he knows that Donna Noble was right and that he needs somebody to be with him and there's something wrong about that because—and that's exactly where his brain stops every time.

Martha doesn't fill the hole, though. Where is this hole anyway, in his heart (well, one of them anyway)? That's a human thing, feeling like there are holes in their hearts whenever someone is—and there goes his brain, stopping again. It keeps doing that, and he doesn't know why, and he'll have to figure it out someday because that could be a problem in a crisis, his brain just stopping in the middle of trying to figure out something. Maybe on a quiet day, when he has nothing to do, he can have a look up in his big, impressive brain and ask why it keeps stopping whenever he's in the middle of a thought. It could be old age, but it seems like it stops whenever he thinks about—Rassilon, that is getting annoying!

Where was he? Oh, yes, Martha.

He can't figure out why he keeps looking at her and not seeing her, keeps expecting her to think things and do things that aren't the kinds of things she would think or do. He can't figure out why it bothered him so much when she said she didn't like chips. He can't figure out why he almost, almost felt something that could maybe be called déjà vu when they went to New Earth and saw the video clip of the cars flying out of the city just before Martha got kidnapped.

Only, it's not déjà vu because that would mean that he's gone there before and he hasn't he most definitely has not gone to New Earth—no, he did go to New Earth, because there was a message on the psychic paper, only something happened with a psychograft and—Oh, this is ridiculous, he's going to fix this, right now!

The TARDIS lurches sideways and he falls against one of the coral struts. Could something be wrong with her? Maybe she's tired; it's been a while since she refueled. Yes, next stop Cardiff, that's where they'll go, just a quick pit stop and then off into time and space (and why does that phrase sound so familiar? Oh well, doesn't matter).


	3. TARDIS

**Disclaimer: **Me+Doctor Who=Love. Love =/= Own. Seeing the pattern yet?

000

She always knew their doubts and their insecurities, their joys and their loves. She knows that he made funny faces at himself in the mirror. She knows that she muttered to herself when she thinks nobody can hear her. They both sang in the shower.

She knows how they looked at each other, even back when they first met and he was big-eared and scarred, and she was young and more than a bit foolish. She's seen every sideways glance, heard every sigh, and occasionally felt a stray thought or two. She waited so long for them to see, for them to realize the depth of their feelings for each other, to give in to temptation and say those three little words, or at least something that means the same thing.

She never interfered. She knew better than to just tell them, even though now she wonders if maybe she should have. She wonders if she should have done something, even if neither would have accepted it straight out. She could have hinted, could have arranged, could have done _something_…

Well, there was that incident when she _accidentally_ rearranged the halls and he walked in on her in the shower…neither of them had gotten over that one for days. Silly little creatures.

But the fact remains that she knows, and more importantly she remembers. Nobody ever thinks about the transportation. Nobody ever realizes that she will know, and that she will be the one who has to deal with the consequences of their actions.

The took his memories, but she will never forget, and that hurts her more than she could ever imagine. She knew that one day they might be separated, and she wanted it to be as painless as possible, but this, this is terrible. This is wrong and should never have happened, but the universe is cruel and somehow it has.

He doesn't remember, and if he ever does, it might destroy him.

If he ever remembers, his hearts will break, and she won't know how to repair them.

So she hides the truth from him, takes all traces of her and hides them in a room that she buries behind walls and corridors and other rooms so that he will never find it, and she locks the door with a thousand locks and bolts it with a thousand bolts and hopes that it will be enough. Sometimes he starts to notice how something stops him thinking and decides to do something about it, and she has to distract him. The drug they gave him wasn't made for Time Lords, and it can only block memories the memories of her, not replace them with something else like it should. It's too noticeable, and she knows that one day she won't be there to distract him.

She knows, and she dreads the day, because it will change him, and in all her vast knowledge, she knows that there is no way that could be good.

A/n: One of the girls is Rose, one is the TARDIS. I wasn't sure how to differentiate between the two while only using pronouns, so sorry if there's any confusion.


	4. Lorakt

**Disclaimer: **Nope. Not mine. And unless I get really rich, never mine.

A/n: I thought this would take a lot longer to explain...guess I'm not good at dragging things out. Oops. Oh yeah, and this is an OC's point of view, not that it matters too much, but I know some people don't like them.

000

He stares at the bare, white walls, and wonders if this was how the people he "helped" had felt. Then he remembers the flash of gold, and he knows that yes, this was how they felt, every second of every minute of every hour, day and night, from the moment they came to the Reformatory to the day they left, whether in a car or a coffin.

He knows which way he'll leave; his sentence was for life.

He can't remember the trial. He and all of his fellow scientists who had worked on Patient #513-200 had still been wrapped in golden light. It was letting go of them, one by one, oh so slowly, torturing them less and less every day, returning to its host. It had left him almost completely, although at night he still heard Rekatil three cells over screaming.

Rekatil had worked the most with #513-200, but she hadn't been hit the hardest. Jorat, who's practices has always been efficient, if harsh, had turned into dust, even though nobody had believed them when they were lucid enough to say. People don't just disappear, the therapists said, he must have escaped, you made a mistake. The therapists were wrong, though. The therapists thought that #513-200 was just a powerful, if latent, psychic who had lashed out when the pain became too much.

Patient #513-200 was not a latent psychic, and he doubted that it—_she_, he corrected as gold flickered on the edge of his vision—had any telepathic ability at all. If she had, they would have sensed it. They had gone pretty deep in her mind, after all, and even if they weren't looking closely at what they saw, telepathic ability was distinctive. No, #513-200 was a cage, and they had broken her.

The aim hadn't been to destroy her. They were scientists at the Reformatory, not psychopaths, not that the public agreed. They meant to do what their name said, reform her, rehabilitate her, send her back into society with the correct morals and thought patterns. They only used the tools they were sure were safe and each and every scientist at the Reformatory had been rigorously trained in their species' natural psychic ability.

But none of the training had prepared them for what lay at rest inside of #513-200. They had known she would be special—anybody who could get to the innermost core of the Reformatory without being seen or tripping any of the alarms had to be (and it was only a pity that they couldn't help the man with her, but his telepathic ability was too strong to contain, and he had to be expelled with the standard treatment). Nobody had noticed during the preliminary testing, and even after the first few surface treatments—impressing the Code into the patient's mind, getting rid of anything that went against the Code, nothing too invasive—nobody saw anything out too far out of the ordinary.

Then, during one of the more intense treatments, Jorat had gone deep into #513-200's subconscious and found the door. He had shown the others who had already worked on #513-200, and they each tried to open the door, using every technique they had learned in training and a few invented on the spot.

The door didn't budge.

They spent weeks on the damn thing, searching through her mind for the slightest inkling of how to break through. It was a matter of pride, and nobody was above hurting the patient to reach their goal. After all, they were only going to heal her, she wouldn't even remember the pain. No harm done, so who cares if her mind's a wreck?

And then, in an effort that he, as director of the Reformatory, coordinated when all other efforts had been exhausted, the most powerful psychics in the whole Reformatory joined together and entered patient #513-200's mind to crack open the door.

He shuddered to think of what whould have happened if they had succeeded in creating more than a small crack.

Out of the crack squeezed a golden beast, a tiny fraction of the power that remained locked away. It was beautiful, but within moments it hadsmashed through all of their shields and ripped through their minds with the same precision as they had done to its host. Instead of the Code, it wrote its name, over and over until none of them could think, feel, breathe.

He had remembered the man's face then, who had been with the patient when they had first taken her, and as he watched his colleagues writhe and scream, felt their pain just as intensely as he felt his own, he wondered if he had known if this was what would happen to his friend.

He would never know why the golden beast of light chose that moment to retreat back into the depths of #513-200's mind.

Of course, it didn't leave completely; part of its awareness has stayed, to watch, to torture, to teach. He learns every day of the horrors he inflicted on the victims he had pretended to help. While everyone was still trapped in pain and self-destruction, the authorities had discovered the truth of the Reformatory. His moment of power, of control, is gone now.

Three cells down, Rekatil screams.


	5. Rose 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it.

A/n: The style for this one might be a bit different because it talks about one specific event...ish thing. And because I didn't write this at practically midnight when I was half asleep.

000

Something at the back of what passes for her mind is calling her. She's felt it before, she thinks, but she can't remember anything clearly. It all gets lost somewhere, somehow. She thinks that should bother her, but the thought passes.

The call remains, singing a plea to come, come quickly, come to me. She goes, for no reason other than its existence.

It sings, louder and louder with every step she takes, though sometimes softer when she doesn't, and there's something familiar about this, something about a game…but it hurts to think about, and she stops. So many things hurt to think about, so usually she doesn't bother trying to.

But the song calls, insistent and demanding, yet tender and full of love, wordless, but telling her everything she needs to hear, everything she wishes she couldn't hear because it reminds her of _there_ and beyond there, before she was like this. She almost feels something at the song, and it might be anger, but she can't tell because she hasn't come close to feeling anything in so long.

Come to me, follow me, I love you it seems to say, and even if she doesn't understand what it means she still complies. That's what she's done for so long, comply, allow people to do to her what they would and never saying a word, so why stop now?

But this call is different. It comes from somewhere deep inside her, the only place still whole, still functioning. The only place that was never broken.

It burns to think of, though, and she stops. Somehow, her feet stop moving too and the call wails. But she can't continue, can't go toward what used to be because something inside her says that it's wrong. She can't deny the something, even though the call promises love and help, because the something is law and how can she disobey?

Another part of her mutters that she used to disobey all sorts of laws, and yet another says that she only did that with someone, though it's not too clear who that someone was. There are two parts that disagree what the someone looked like, and through everything the call sings.

That's all she is now, bits and pieces of thoughts and feelings that never really form anything coherent, never have until now anyway. Until the song got louder and louder and now it's waking everything up inside her and it's too much, just too much—

She stops thinking. Thinking is dangerous; thinking will draw attention to things that should remain hidden. Everything has to be buried or else they will come and poke at it and break it some more.

The song continues, and there must have been something she forgot to hide. She turns, walks away from the song, not knowing where she is headed but knowing that it is safer than here.

A while later, she sees a building, broken open and with all of the glass smashed. Inside one window is a spot of black, so she walks over to look at it.

It is a mask, simple, just plain black cloth shaped to cover the forehead and nose, leaving holes for the eyes and tied with black ribbon. Nothing special, nothing important.

The ghost of a half-memory flits through her mind and she puts it on.


	6. Doctor 2

**Disclaimer: **Mine Doctor Who is not.

A/n: Sort of spoilers for the beginning of Planet of the Ood (s4 ep3) and the beginning of The Sontaran Stratagem (s4 ep 4) but nothing central to the actual episode, just explanations for why they do what they do. Also, I just realized that the breaks I thought I was putting between the story and the A/n were actually nonexistent, so sorry if that annoyed anybody (because I know it drives me nuts). Let's see if this works, shall we?

000

Something is wrong. Something is very wrong and he doesn't know what it is and that is a problem, a very, very big problem.

Ever since he had brought Donna to Everffet 3, the TARDIS has been acting upset and she won't tell him why. He had meant to go to one of the moons of Titalia, but the TARDIS had veered off midflight for no reason and crashed in the middle of an invasion. People were rioting, cities were burning, and it was up to him and Donna to fix it. They had managed it in three hours, a pretty impressive time to save a planet, but by the time they had returned to the TARDIS, something had upset her. When he had asked, though, she pretended that everything was perfectly fine and taken them off to the Oodsphere.

It wouldn't be as big of a deal if this was a new thing, but she's been hiding things from him for a while now and he is getting very, very tired of it. Oh, she thinks he hasn't noticed, but he has. He knows that she's been rearranging rooms to keep him away from certain places; he knows that she's been distracting him whenever he starts thinking about certain things. It's gone on long enough, and he plans to make it stop, now.

But when he confronts her, all she does is send him a wave of sadness and frustration and something along the lines of, _I-can't-tell-you-because-you-can't-tell-you_, which doesn't make any sense. Why would she be hiding something from him that he already knows? It's times like this that he wishes they could actually talk, in words instead of this vague telepathy which, although sometimes useful when there aren't quite words to describe a concept, can make saying anything straight out incredibly difficult.

She repeats it, mixed in with quite a bit of anger, although he can tell that it's not directed at him but at someone (someones?) else that she refuses to name. But who could she be angry at, and why? Whenever anyone tries to vandalize her or steal her, she just laughs and pities them for being such insignificant creatures. He doesn't think he's ever seen her actually angry before. Irritated, sure, especially at him when he starts fiddling with her circuits; sad, during the time war, as they watched their species burn, but angry?

And it's something on Everffet 3. Well, maybe on Everffet 3; they visited during the 623rd century, and by then, intergalactic teleportation had been invented. Whatever had upset her could be anywhere by now.

He promises her then and there to never try to take them near there, and is surprised by her negative reaction. She wants to go back there, there's something there she needs, something they both need—she interrupts herself, _I-can't-tell-you-because-you-can't-tell-you_, and then withdraws sharply from the link.

"Doctor, you okay?" asks Donna from the door.

He turns around (when did she get there?) and puts on his best 'Oh, yes, I'm perfectly fine grin.' "Nope, I'm fine. Absolutely positively brilliant, that's me. So, where do you want to go next, hmm?"

Of course, Donna Noble is stubborn and knows him far too well. "You look like someone just smacked you or something."

"Right, yes, well, I don't know what you're talking about. I know, why don't I teach you how to drive the TARDIS?" That would distract her, and it would give him time to think about what was going on with his TARDIS later. If he survived, that is.


	7. Jack

**Disclaimer:** Yo no propio el Doctor Who

A/n: I love writing Jack, even though I'm not at all sure if I did it well. This chapter took a while to write because even though I knew what scene I wanted to write, I had no idea who's perspective to write it from or how to do it, and then it just wouldn't come out right...speaking of which, if anybody has any suggestions of who's perspective you want to see (new people, more from people I've already done, anything), I would love to hear from you. I have a vague plan for how I want this to go and where I want it to end, but nothing is set in stone, so I can fit in pretty much everything.

**Spoilers: **Pretty much any of what Jack says in Utopia (s3 ep11). I could be wrong, because I rewrote this a few times, but just to be on the safe side :)

000

He suspected this might happen, but the truth of it is heartbreaking.

He found her on the executioner's block on some backwater planet for no other reason than that she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He had thought that it was sad, that people should be killed for such a small reason, but he had given up interfering in events long ago, some time when he had just left earth.

Then they pulled off the mask and he saw her face, and he realized what was happening, who they were about to kill. It had been the work of a moment to teleport to her and take her away. So what if he can't return there for a few millennia? So what if he gets branded as a criminal for rescuing one of his best friends? She's worth it, she's worth anything, and he knows that the Doctor would agree.

He had wondered where the Doctor was until he looked at her face, really looked at it, and then he knew.

He takes care of her, now, bringing her along in his travels. She never talks, and he resolves to learn telepathy, even though he knows that by the time he figures it out, she'll be long gone, no matter how this ends.

Still, he comforts her in any way he can, giving her anything that she seems to want, anything to try to get through to her. He got her a new mask because she seemed a bit lost without it, but not even that puts her back together, not even a little bit. He realizes that she needs to hide herself, and stays away from crowds.

Sometimes it's unavoidable, though, like the embassy ball on Original Earth. The old planet still hasn't blown up yet, and he wonders if he'll live to see it. At the moment, though, it's still the base for the human race, and the President has a bit of a thing for him. Normally, he wouldn't mind, but now that he has to take care of Rose, who will probably be terrified of all the people, he wishes there were a way to back out.

Unfortunately for both of them, there isn't, and on the day of the ball they both turn up with all of the pomp and circumstance of two people, one of them extremely rich, who don't want to be there. Well, he thinks she doesn't want to be there, but she just kind of stands there.

He thanks whatever power governs the universe that tonight is a masquerade. He doesn't know how he would have passed off her mask otherwise, and this just makes everything so much easier. At the same time, he's worried; between all of the rich, powerful, and famous that are going to be here, wearing a mask could get you on the wrong end of an assassination attempt, and there's going to be at least one, he can just tell.

But, whispers that obnoxiously optimistic voice at the back of his head that he makes a habit of ignoring, maybe that means that the Doctor will be there. If anything major happens, it's practically a given.

He tells the voice to go do something anatomically impossible. Then he wonders if maybe he's going insane. Oh well.

The party is going pretty smoothly, with only a small ripple when the Queen of Malday and the Zztribub of Larapip got into a tiff about the meaning behind one of the old animated Disney movie (once they were rediscovered in 621,947, they became some of the most controversial psychology material ever to be mentioned in a university). He's trying to catch the eye of an attractive ginger who likes like she's either very confused, laughing at the ridiculous getup some of the people are in, or most likely both, when he sees the Doctor and realizes that he lost Rose.

It's okay, though, because the Doctor's right next to her and now she's looking at him and now he's talking, and then somehow their dancing and he would give anything to know how she got him to do that.

Then again, she is Rose, even if she is broken, and he is the Doctor, even if he's forgotten her, and they will always belong in each other's arms.

She drifts off after the song ends, and he goes back to wherever he was before that, and watching from the sidelines he's left muttering such blistering profanity that several of the people nearest him look at him in shock and move to get away from his vicinity. The night goes on, the Doctor saves them all from getting blown up by an insane arsonist, and everyone departs relatively safe and sound.

Nothing has changed, nothing is new. Rose is still broken, and he is still taking care of her.

But now, sometimes, when he has to leave her alone for a few minutes, she looks just a little bit brighter when he comes back, and he wonders just what—or who—she's seen.

A/n: ARGH! This ending bothers me so much...oh well. Sorry if it sucks.


	8. TARDIS 2

**Disclaimer: **How many ways can I say "I don't own Doctor Who" today?

A/n: Beta'd by the wonderful After Each Dawn. Thanks!

000

This is dangerous. She shouldn't be doing this, she knows that as surely as she knows that if she doesn't at least one of them will not survive this, and she has a sneaking suspicion of who. After all, he only lost his memory; she lost her will to live.

So she follows her. It was easier after she found her the first time. She had meant to go where her Doctor asked, this time anyway. But then she had sensed the familiar twisting, gathering temporal energy and headed straight for it.

Even after so long, the remnants of what they once held together remain.

If only she had taken those final few steps in through the doors. She doesn't know if the girl will ever know how close she had been, to safety, to love, to her past. He can help her, she knows he can, and if he remembers because she's _there_, then it won't be nearly so bad. She knows her Doctor; if he has someone to take care of then he will hold it together until they get better, and once she's better she'll convince him that it wasn't his fault and everything will be fine.

That's one of the possible futures, anyway, and if she has anything to say about it then that's the one that will become reality.

Now that she's found her once, finding her again is almost child's play. The Fact has taken her under his wing, and finding him is like finding a crow in a school of Martian fish. He doesn't belong, not at all, and she still hasn't decided whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. He is still the man he was when he traveled with the other two, but now he's stuck, living and almost unchanging, and that's just wrong in so many senses.

At the moment, though, she doesn't mind so much because his Factual existence will keep the girl alive until she can find her and bring her back to where she belongs. And she will, as soon as she can do it safely without breaking his hearts.

Of course she hasn't been too careful recently. Either he or his companion keep catching sight of her, even if it is just a glimpse, and they're starting to think that the woman in the mask is following them. If only they knew that they were the ones following her! He's starting to get suspicious, too, that she might have something to do with everything she's been keeping from him, and that's no good at all.

His theories on who she might be, however, are highly entertaining and entirely wrong. The companion's are closer to the truth, but still far enough away to be safe. Honestly, a jilted lover from his future here to manipulate him into falling in love with her? Humans.

Still, she'll have to be more careful about letting him see her. If he figures it out before she can get the girl back…no. It won't come to that.

The girl will return, he will heal her, everything will be as it should be and she will be able to focus on what she's supposed to be doing instead of sneaking behind his back manipulating his time line. Not that she doesn't do that occasionally anyway, but rarely has there ever been so much on the line.

A/n: I imagine that the TARDIS is kind of mischievous. I mean, traveling through time and space is great, but she probably gets bored or something and starts to mess with the Doctor, just kind of taking him off to the middle of nowhere and watching him flounder around trying to figure out what happened and making that adorable "What?" face (I know I would. I love Ten's "What?" face).


	9. River Song

A/n: **WARNING:** I'm relatively new to Doctor Who, so I haven't finished s6 yet (I'm in between _The Doctor's Wife_ and _The Rebel Flesh_). I have seen spoilers, and I did use Wikipedia, but this is probably in no way an accurate description of the Doctor's relationship with River Song. However, this is an AU, which means any mistakes I make can be blamed on altered timelinesJ. Don't you just love it when perfect excuses create themselves for you?

Okay, so this is unbeta'd. Actually, most of the chapters in this thing are, but since After Each Dawn offered to beta this for me, I feel bad posting this without showing it to her. However, I also have this compulsion to post at least a chapter a day, and that means that I only have 28 minutes if I want to post this Today and not Tomorrow (27 min.). This is where a time machine would come in handy.

**Possible Spoiler Alert:** River Song. As in, Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead River Song, but with slight mentions of her (altered) past.

000

It isn't fair. Maybe it's childish of her to think that, but it's true and she hates it and she wishes with every fiber of her being that it could be different, but it isn't and there's nothing she can do about it.

Because now, she has to make a choice, and neither of the options are pretty. Either way there will be consequences, and either way it will be all her fault. She might change the outcome of the universe with this choice but she has no idea which one is the right one.

She can let him live on in the dark—no, bad choice of words there, considering the situation—she can let him live on, never knowing the truth. He'll be happier, even if he won't realize it. He'll figure out how to get away or stop the Vashta Nerada or _something_, and everything will work out fine. Only, he won't trust her, and if he doesn't trust her then he won't be completely focused on saving them and something will go drastically wrong. People will die, or they won't be able to save them, and it will only add to the huge pile of guilt that weighs down on him every time she sees him.

On the other hand, she can tell him the secret. She's figured out where he is in his timeline now, she thinks, and she knows just what to make him realize that he can trust her, at least a little bit. They'll be able to work together and save lives, but at a price. She doesn't know what the price will be yet. He could be unaffected by what she knows, but he could be broken in two by it. She won't know until she tells him, and by then it will be too late.

This is the price she pays for coming from a family of time travelers. The risk of causing a paradox is always there because she never knows if something she says will change their future, if something they say is changing hers. It's painful, always living with that uncertainty and right now, at this moment, could be the worst it's ever been. Her entire timeline could change; people who should have lived could die because of right here, right now, with the right or wrong words.

She's scared, and she can't show it, can't let anybody know. If he thinks that she's scared, he could think that she's guilty and that won't help anybody. If the others think she's scared they could start to panic. The Doctor is all well and good, but she's one of them, one of the team, and she's practically in charge of them. She has to be a good leader, just like he always was (will be? God, she hates mixing tenses with time travel, it never works).

He's staring at her, waiting for her to say something, and the time has come to make her choice.

"Doctor, one day I'm going to be someone you trust. But I can't wait for you to find that out. So I'm going to prove it to you, and I'm sorry. I'm really, very sorry." She leans up and whispers in his ear. Two words, one syllable each, nothing special on their own, but incredibly important when put together.

She whispers, "Bad Wolf," and stands back to watch his reaction.

000

A/n: Cliffie! Mwahaha... (14 mins.)


	10. Doctor 3

**Disclaimer:** I own this as much as I own Harry Potter, which is to say, not.

A/n: This is the tenth chapter. I have almost three hundred visitors and almost 1000 hits. I am liking these numbers.

**Possible** **Spoilers: **More Forest of the Dead.

000

_She whispers, "Bad Wolf," and stands back to watch his reaction._

What?

How could she—but why—_what?_

No, he has to get himself together. Never mind that a woman who is apparently from his personal future has his screwdriver and just said those words. Those words have been following him for years, inserting themselves into tiny, insignificant places and changing them into something huge and important that he doesn't understand. He should though, it made sense at one point, something about—

Oh, now that's not fair, his brain is doing that stopping thing again, and he really needs to be able to think right now. Actually, he can think, he is thinking and very quickly too, but he's thinking about so many things right now that he can't focus.

Who's River and how does she know him? How is he going to save everyone left in the library? Why isn't his sonic screwdriver working? What are the Vashta Nerada doing here? What did it mean, "Donna Noble has been saved"? How did she get her face up on that machine-statue-thing if he sent her back to the TARDIS? Speaking of (or thinking of), what is the TARDIS hiding from him and why is she doing it? Why does his brain refuse to think about—whatever it is that it keeps refusing to think about? Who is the woman in the mask? And how did she ever convince him to dance with her that one time, because he doesn't remember either of them saying much. They were just sort of standing next to each other and then somehow they were dancing, which was strange because he was the Doctor and he didn't dance and—

"Doctor?"

Right, first things first. "Where did you hear those words?" Maybe he shouldn't sound so angry when she is clearly already worried, but damn if those words aren't important. He can feel it, they're vital, and if he can only figure out what they mean…

She shakes her head. "I can't—you'll know. I'm sorry, I know how much you hate not knowing, but I can't tell you, I just can't. I'm so sorry."

So he'll figure it out, if she isn't lying. But how can she know that those two words are following him through time and space? It's not something you would tell a stranger, but more like a question you would ask a friend, _Hey, there are these words following me and I think they're some kind of message. Do you have any clue what it means?_

Which means that he probably can trust her—unless she's the person (or one of them) putting it everywhere. Sometimes his life is way too complicated.

"Are we good?"

He has to choose, now, whether or not he's going to trust her. He can deal with everything else later, but right now, he has to decide if he's going to let those words, those two impossible little words that have followed him against all the odds, be enough to earn his trust.

"Doctor, are we good?"

He can see the emotions running across her face, all pulling and tugging at each other like brawlers in a bar. Hope, fear, confusion, determination, they're all there, and he has to decide which one will win.

"Yeah." Maybe he's lying, maybe he's not, but he never could stand anyone being sad.

000

A/n: This is way less emotional than the scene in the original, as all of you brilliant people might have noticed. I could say that I did that on purpose because what River tells him in this one is less meaningful, which it is. What actually happened is that I wanted to write this as a more emotional scene and the chapter had other ideas. Long story short, we got into a fight and you can guess who won.

Also, be prepared in future chapters for some ridiculous...stuff (I think it's ridiculous, anyway). I only realized how important it is for the plot of the s4 finale that Rose is in the other universe after the s2 finale after I started this fic. You have been warned.


	11. Rose 3

**Disclaimer**: Hmm...no

A/n: 1223 hits and 345 visitors. :) and yet only 5 reviews...

000

She's starting to notice.

She used to move across worlds but never living them, passing by but never seeing, never feeling, never _remembering_. She lived in happy numbness, untouchable and untouched, safe. _He's_ dangerous, and most of her wants to run away as fast as her legs can take her, wants to find a dark corner and hide like she's been doing ever since they came.

But there are two _thems_ now, two groups of people that matter. There's _them_ them, the first them, who came with fear and destruction and ripped her apart. Then there's the other them, the two she can see and the song that follows them. So many times she'll be sitting, waiting for _that one_, and then she'll see him or her, and she'll hear the song and be filled with need for…something, she doesn't know what it is, but it's wonderful and warm and so, so sad, so sad that it almost hurts.

She didn't even start to notice _that one_ until she started seeing _them_. _They _make everything clear and bright and important, which it used to be but isn't anymore because of _them._

She can't even keep the two different _thems _straight in her head. Everything's too broken, too separate from all of the other parts, only now they're starting to come together and work a little, and somehow she knows that it's all _their_ (not the bad _they_, the other ones) fault because she never even realized that anything existed before they came and confused her. She was never confused before, just numb and alone and waiting and that was fine, perfectly fine.

It wasn't fine, part of her mutters, the part that want to follow the song. It wasn't fine and it isn't fine, but _he_ can make it fine so just be a good girl and go with _him_, yeah? No, she can't think about it, best to just stop.

She wouldn't even have noticed that she has been noticing if _they_ weren't here again, staring at her. She's never been this close to either of them. The red one (ginger, something about that matters, ginger) is trying to get the other one's attention, but he's just staring at her. If he were anybody else she would want to hide, but he's _him_ and for some reason that makes him special…

Something falls to the pavement between them, and _they_ look behind her. She doesn't bother to turn around; _they_ are important, and the rest of the world is not. Simple, just the way it used to be.

_He_ turns back to her and stares into her eyes, slowly walking forward and picking up the thing without ever breaking eye contact. It's a small thing, one she's seen before in _that _one's pockets. The moment he straightens, the thing glows and a square of blue light pops out. She tries to see his face through the letters (.relyT esoR si eman reH), but they block him out.

The song gets louder and for some reason she knows that she has to see his face, has to know his reaction to those words. She steps forward, reaching out a hand to do something, she doesn't know what, and the crunch of her shoes startles him into dropping the thing hiding his face from her.

She can see him now, and she doesn't like it. He feels something and she knows that it is bad and she knows that she should know what it is but she doesn't and it scares her but she doesn't know why and—

"Doctor, who is she? Who is Rose Tyler?" It is the red one, asking the question she didn't know she had. _That one_ kept saying something about a rose. Did he mean this girl? Who is Rose Tyler?

She wants him to answer, needs to know who or what Rose Tyler is, why her name makes his eyes go red and steals his ability to talk. The song is getting louder and louder, worried and victorious and bursting with something she can't—won't—shouldn't—name. It hurts to think about the song, hurts to think about anything else. She can't think, she can't think, she can't think…

Black spots are dancing in front of her eyes. The scattered pieces of her consciousness are flaring and shouting and leaping about. Memories are flitting through her mind, too fast to see and too hot to touch. Words are repeating endlessly, You are nothing, You are worthless, You are the lowest of the low. Everything is exploding and flying and whirling and it hurts, it hurts so much!

A crack in the wall, golden light seeping through. _Sleep, Rose Tyler. You are safe here._

000

A/n: This is confusing, this is weird, and I have no excuse._  
><em>


	12. TARDIS 3

**Disclaimer** I own it not.

000

This was not in the plan.

Oh, yes, she's ecstatic that the girl has returned. If she were human, she would be jumping up and down and squealing like they seem to do when they get excited—or is that just the young ones? Regardless, this is fantastic and almost perfect.

Almost, because he wasn't supposed to see her before she could bring the girl here. She did the best she could, singing as loudly as she dared in the girl's mind to try and wake some dormant memories in her subconscious, but it would be so much easier if they were here where she could watch them directly instead of monitoring the situation through their thoughts.

She would be able to speak to him more directly then and tell him everything he lost instead of letting him wade through the half-memories alone. The drug was still running through him and it was doing its best to suppress his memories of her, but he hasn't even realized that yet.

Finally, he's opening her doors and bringing the girl inside. The companion follows after, worry all over her face because he won't say anything, hasn't said anything since the girl fainted. It's not her fault she doesn't know what's going on; nobody ever told her this part of his history. Maybe later she can direct her to a photo album or hologram, something to explain because from the looks of it, he's in no shape to explain anything, let alone a part of his past that he just remembered.

She can't worry about that now, though, because he's calling her and he's terrified. _What-happened-why-do-I-know-not-know-her-who-is-she-what-is-she-are-we-HOW-DID-I-LOSE-HER? _

She sends back a wave of calm, everything will be explained if he can just breathe for a moment. The companion is confused and the girl needs to be taken to the medical bay, now. She will tell him everything after that.

He is still wild eyed and confused, but he manages to convince the companion that he will be fine, or at least that he needs to be alone to take care of the girl. It's all for the best that she stay away for a while; she likes this companion, but she wouldn't understand this and would keep distracting both of them with questions that should wait until later.

He carries the girl to the medical bay, just a short walk because she knows that he would never manage a longer one, and lays her down on a pristine hospital bed, all crisp blue sheets and perfectly fluffed pillow. He's running on autopilot now, completing tasks that he remembers from past injuries his old companions have sustained. He has someone to take care of, and his own pain can wait.

He never learned to put himself first.

He reaches for a scanner, but his trembling hand knocks it to the floor. The sound brings him back to himself and he starts to think again, _, _over and over again.

Stop, she tells him. Stop, let me explain.

And she does, reminding him of all the good times and the bad times, how they met and how they changed, Christmases and dinners and chips and parents, fighting and running and saving the world time and time again. She tells him about the daleks, about the Bad Wolf, about the cybermen and the other boy saving the universe twice over. She tells him about Pete Tyler, both versions, and she tells him about the last time they saw her family. She tells him everything, leaving nothing out, returning to him all of the time that he never know he lost.

She doesn't want to tell him the last bit, how he lost her, but he insists with grim determination, needing to know what happened so he can ensure that it never happens again.

So she tells him about the Reformatory, about the scientists who ran it and their so-called patients. She tells him about their moral Code and how they impress it upon anyone who thinks that it's wrong. She tells him about how they took the girl, and how they drugged him to take away his memories. She doesn't know the whole thing, but it's enough to break the drug's hold and he remembers the rest himself.

_My-fault-her-pain-is-my-fault-how-could-I-do-this-let-this-happen-she-would-be-safer-away-but-I-can't-leave-bad-bad-me-must-let-her-go-can't-do-it…_

No, he's wrong. He never meant to let this happen to her, tried as hard as he could to save her.

_Not-hard-enough-she-deserves-better-better-than-me-safer-she-can-live-happily-I-won't-be-happy-love-her-no-can't-love-must-let-her-go…_

She needs him, he's the only one who can help her.

_Always-others-hospitals-no-not-hospitals-bad-luck-in-hospitals-somewhere-safe-they-can-help-her-heal-her-I'm-not-safe…_

The girl moans and flutters her eyes open, and that's then end of that argument.


	13. Donna

**Disclaimer**: Hahaha, no.

A/n: Sorry for not having a chapter up yesterday, I had a drum show...concert...thing that I was playing in. Let's just say I was busy and leave it at that, yeah?

000

She still has trouble believing it. He had a friend (though from the looks of it they're a bit more than that, and good for him) that he lost and somehow completely forgot about, and now he's found her and has to help her get sane again by going inside her mind and rebuilding all of her memories and personality and everything that makes her herself without changing anything.

Her life was so simple before she met that man.

But now everything's complicated. Because she can see that the Rose girl is hurt, badly, and there's nothing she can do to help, and she can see that it's killing him inside and there's nothing she can do to help that either. What good is she if she can't help her best friend and his long-lost girlfriend? She's only a temp, she doesn't know medicine or therapy or anything.

She's useless.

Oh, she's always known that she'll never amount to anything, that she'll never be anyone important, but she's always been able to pretend. She distracts herself with gossip and friends and anything that isn't her boring life. It got even easier to pretend when met the Doctor, looking for him and then traveling with him, always something strange or dangerous to deal with. Somehow, he never realized that he would be better off with someone else, that she was just some stupid temp from Chiswick.

But now she can't pretend, and she knows that he'll notice how unhelpful she is eventually. The only reason why he hasn't dumped her back home is because he's been too worried about Rose to think of it. He will though, once she's better and he remembers how amazing and accomplished she was, how much better than Donna.

Every day the Doctor has been in the medical bay, sitting by her side or helping her eat or fluffing her pillow, always with her, always doing his best to make everything that much better. She knows she sounds jealous, and maybe she is. He barely speaks to her, now. Rose is so much more important to him that he doesn't have time for her anymore.

No, that's not right. He's just got a lot on his mind, that's all. Every other time she walks in to check on him, he's got his hands on Rose's temple, fixing whatever went wrong in her head. He feels so much guilt about what happened, whatever it was, that he can't help but try to make everything perfect for the girl to make up for it as much as he can.

She walks into the medical bay, carrying the tea she made for him and Rose, if she's lucid enough to drink it on her own, and sees him sitting in a chair next to Rose's bed, slumped over, head resting on his arms fast asleep. She doesn't know if he's slept at all since they found her, and seeing him like this erases every angry thought she's had about him abandoning her or ignoring her. He's exhausted, but his stupid conscience won't let him take a few hours for himself and get some rest.

He starts awake when she puts the tea down on a small, conveniently placed table, and she sees that his eyes are red, from crying or sleep deprivation she can't tell. He looks like a right mess, either way, and that makes her mind up. "You go rest," she says in the tone of voice her mum always used whenever she was sick as a kid and refused to get in bed.

He looks up at her, all lost and confused like a sad puppy, and he can barely form a complete sentence. "I can't—I have to—she needs me, Donna, I—"

"Shhh, I'll watch her, go sleep. You can take care of her better if you aren't too tired to think straight, so go." She sort of pulls him up out of the chair and he complies simply because he's too tired not to. She manages to get him to the door before he starts to protest again.

"Donna, what if—"

"Doctor. I'll take care of her. If anything happens, I'll shout. It's just for a few hours, now go on." She pushes him into the hallway, and being outside of the medical bay is enough to get him walking on his own. He probably won't sleep as much as he needs to, but even a little is better than nothing.

He turns back to her, suddenly. "Yeah Doctor?" she asks, because he looks like he needs to say something but can't quite figure out how to begin.

"Thank you. I know I'm not—thank you." With that, he turns back and stumbles forward into the depths of his ship.

She doesn't know where that came from but it warms her heart all the same. He needs her, still, and she can still do something to help him, to help both of them. She turns back and sits in the chair he so recently vacated. Maybe she isn't anybody special, but she can still help in little ways, keep things running, and that's what's important right now.

000

A/n: In _**The Stolen**** Earth**___ when Donna first sees Rose, I thought she looked almost sad. That was the inspiration for the first half (ish?) of this chapter, because I imagine that she must have been thinking something similar.


	14. Interlude

**Disclaimer:** I own Doctor Who. I'm also a kangaroo wearing an opera cape living in Antarctica.

A/n: And now for some plot, and a little bit of the ridiculous I promised before. A quick reminder, Doomsday did happen, the only change being that Rose didn't get sucked into the other universe. Also, whoever figures out who this is before the end of the chapter gets a Dalek oven mitt, so you can burn their little faces off and not get hurt!

000

It all starts with a dream.

He is filling out some paperwork in his office (god, he hates doing paperwork, but someone has to do it. He really should hire a secretary. Maybe one day when he isn't so busy he can think about it.) Anyway, is in his office, bored out of his mind, when all of a sudden he is surrounded by golden light.

It is definitely a dream, he's absolutely sure of it, because he knows this light, has had it in his life since before he can remember. Even if he hasn't been able to see it, even if sometimes it dimmed or flickered or almost went out, that light has always been there.

Until recently, of course, because it is impossible for the light to be here, now, especially without the person who contained it. It's gone now, has been for a while, and he can never get it back. So it has to be a dream, because there's no other explanation, none at all.

_The universes are in danger,_ the light whispers. He can barely hear it it's so soft (and shouldn't it be louder if he wants it to be? After all, it is his dream, any impossible light should be saying what he wants it to say and loud enough for him to hear it well, not quiet messages of impending doom. He hates those) but something in him doesn't quite dare ask it to speak louder. Something inside him, some primal, long-buried instinct, knows that this pretty light will burn him if he angers it, so don't push it.

Alright, he thinks with the regular, non-dormant part of his brain, the multiverse is in danger. Again. What do you want me to do about it?

_You must warn him_.

There's only one thing that can mean, only one man important enough to warrant such impossible measures. Still, it doesn't mean he wants to do it, or even _can_ do it. The light is asking for the impossible.

_You must warn him. The universes are disintegrating; the starts are going out. Tell him._

Yeah, yeah, alright, no need to get mad. He'll just figure out a way to save the world…s somehow, again, just like he always does. He has more resources then he has in the past, after all, and experience. He can be brilliant when he puts his mind to it.

As if satisfied by his compliance, the light recedes, freeing him from its grasp. He floats in the darkness it leaves behind, still caught in sleep and unwilling to return to wakefulness and his life of work and forms and meetings, to always being stuck behind a desk. Although, this will be something different, and it might get him in the field again, at least for a little while. They'll need to find parts for a trans dimensional machine somehow.

This realization guides him out of sleep, and he wakes with a jolt to find himself face first in the stacks of paper he was supposed to be filling out. They can wait though; just now, Mickey Smith has something more important to do.

000

Yep, Mickey Smith, all the way from another universe, has come to have his say in the story. What this means for the plot line? Well... [insert evil laugh here]


	15. Doctor 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own the Doctor. Or Rose. Or anyone in this fic, except almost everyone in Chapter four.

A/n:More Plot-ness!

000

Three weeks, five days, two hours and three minutes later, he still doesn't know how it happened.

He flushed the drug from his system three days after they found her. He would have done it sooner if he hadn't been such a mess, but he just couldn't understand how he'd lost something so precious, how he could forget her and everything she had done. Even after the TARDIS told him he was still confused. Only Rose's need for someone, anyone, to take care of her had kept him from breaking down completely.

Then again, if Rose was what had kept him from a mental break down, Donna was what kept him functioning. She was the one who'd made him sleep, made him eat, made sure he didn't waste away at Rose's bedside. It was her idea to ask the TARDIS to land somewhere safe and bright, her bullying stubbornness that had forced him outside. She was the one who had the mad idea of bringing Rose out, too, and having a _picnic_ of all things. She was brilliant, Donna Noble, and he hasn't the slightest idea of how to properly thank her.

So when she suggests shopping in some alien bazaar on the planet of Moolenoff, he agrees and actually manages to get them there during the right time period (the TARDIS wants to thank her too). And when she decides that they're going to stay there _all day_, he doesn't say a word. He can manage, maybe, hopefully, and besides, she deserves it.

He even let her steal Rose away for some "girl time" ("The girl doesn't have any clothes! Okay, so maybe she does, but something new will make her feel special! How do I know? Well, spaceman, I'm a human female. We love shopping!"), though not without some (okay, a bit more than some) protest (still, he can't be expected to just let her go after having lost her for so long, can he? He's just a bit nervous, that's all, and she _is_ very jeopardy friendly…

Three weeks, five days, two hours, and twenty minutes later, he's still afraid to let her out of his sight).

Still, it's the least he can do after all the good Donna's done for him, and maybe she can help Rose the same way. She's a brilliant woman, Donna is, as he can't help telling the shopkeeper—in between telling him the history of the Gun'qua fruit that he's currently holding. She's saved his life loads of times, and she's pretty accepting about aliens. Well, most of the time, she did keep calling him a martian when he first met her. Oh, and did he mention that the Gun'qua originated on Hway and not Polou?

Three weeks, five days, three hours and five minutes later, the Doctor's in a pretty good mood.

Three weeks, five days, three hours and six minutes later, he's running as if his life depends on it towards a tiny alley, which it does, because Rose just screamed.

He reaches it in 2.745 seconds, with his time sense kicking in to high gear the moment he senses danger, just in time to see a man with a knife lunge at his Rose. Within the 0.61 seconds it takes him to get to her, the man explodes into gold dust.

Which is impossible, part of his brain insists. Which is good, says the other part, because Rose is safe and has stopped screaming.

In the .023 seconds it takes for him to realize what both of these facts in this situation mean, the Bad Wolf catches him in Her glowing gaze.

"The stars are going out," She says in that strange double-timbre. "Through all the universes, the stars are going out."

He wants to say something, wants to beg that She let the power go because she can't survive, she'll die, she barely survived last time…

"You have to save them or reality will die." And with that doom-filled pronouncement, the golden aura recedes and she's just Rose again, his Rose, broken and filled with pain, but safe.

"What. The hell. Was that?" Donna demands from behind him. He turns to tell her, at least the short version, but something distracts him. Everywhere, on all of the banners and all of the stalls, even on the TARDIS though he can barely see her through the crowd, the words stare down at him. Bad Wolf.

Three weeks, five days, three hours, and seven minutes later, the world is ending.

000

A/n: Aha! Ridiculous rears its head once again! But Ridiculous does love reviews, and since the closer to the end of the fic I get, the more Ridiculous there is, Ridiculous must be kept happy for the fic to continue. And yes, that was a shameless plug for reviews. However, my mind is being swamped by Ridiculous, who has grown so big that Ridiculous has now become Ridiculous' own entity (though not big enough to get pronouns).


	16. Milkman and Rose 4

**Disclaimer**: None of it is mine. Not the characters, not the plot line, not all of the dialogue.

**Spoilers:** Stolen Earth, which, for those who don't know, is the beginning of the end of s4. However, there will be **Spoilers** from now until the end of the fic. These **Spoilers** will be for the Stolen Earth and Journey's End. These **Spoilers** are not minor spoilers but major, plot point revealing **Spoilers**. You have been warned of the **Spoilers.**

A/n: Okay, so these chapters are...I'm sorry. They're just...gah. I'm trying to stay as true to the episode, and that means watching it, and taking notes, and watching it again, and taking notes, and watching it again...you get the idea. Which leads into my next point, that the updates are going to slow down...a lot. :( School+Sleep=no writing.

OOOOOOOOOH! And before I forget, if you know of any characters that weren't in the s4 finale that were human and lived on earth _during/close to the time frame the episode occurred_, please please please tell me, because I can't think of one and it's vital to a later chapter.

000

Sometimes, people have the strangest conversations. Like just now, for instance, those two weirdoes over there next to the blue box thing. Was that always there? Must have been, boxes don't just appear out of thin air, and he never noticed anybody bring it in.

At first they had seemed nice enough, if a bit disoriented. The man hadn't even known what day it was, and the woman kept looking around like she couldn't quite believe that they were here. He had assumed that they had been at some crazy party, gotten incredibly drunk, and were just now waking up with no idea where they were. That would explain the man's getup—a suit and trainers indeed! The things people wear these days…

But then they had started talking. He never meant to overhear, but it's a quiet street and they're the only ones about.

"So, you going to tell me what that was in the alley?" asks the ginger. She sounds a bit frightened, actually, but a curious kind of frightened, if that's even possible.

The man runs a hand through his already tousled hair and says, probably without thinking, "Yes, well, that was Bad Wolf."

They're probably talking about some new band, even though they look a bit old for that sort of thing.

Clearly the man doesn't want to talk about it, if the way he's avoiding his friend's eyes is any way to judge, but she pursues the subject anyway. "But…Rose, she was glowing. Rose was glowing in the middle of an alley and then that man turned into dust. How did that happen?"

"Yeah, Bad Wolf tends to do that."

Drugs, it had to be drugs. These two had been watching a band in an alley and doing some drug called Bad Wolf that made them think that they were seeing glowing, disintegrating people. The ginger must have never tried it before, so that explained why she was so surprised at the effects.

"But that wasn't some wolf thing, that was Rose! And she was glowing! How did she do that?"

Okay, so this Rose girl was probably the lead singer of the band, and she had some kind of stunt where she could make it look like she was glowing. Ridiculous.

"I don't know. But if Bad Wolf is coming back, then that means everything is in danger."

"Yeah, the stars are going out, reality is dying. Who is 'Bad Wolf'? Why was Rose glowing?"

So…the man was a recovering addict from the Bad Wolf drug, named after it's…creator…and the man was usually really overdramatic…and the glowing singer was unexpected…

"Rose is the Bad Wolf. Long ago, she absorbed the Time Vortex and became linked to the TARDIS. She had the power to control life and death, time and space, everything, and she called herself the Bad Wolf. But I got rid of it, the Vortex is gone from her…" The man spits this out at an incredibly high speed, like he doesn't even want to say it but has to anyway.

So Rose was linked to a politician nicknamed…the Tardis…and it made her really powerful…and she was in control of a…gang! Yes, she was the head of a gang, and she sang in a band that played in alleyways.

The ginger is talking again. "She said the world was ending."

"Yes," the man replies. "But how?"

Rose was also overdramatic…and she knew the man because he was in her gang…and he got her off of a drug that forced her under the thumb of a politician called Tardis…and she called herself Bad Wolf and created a drug named after herself…and the man had gotten addicted…and it made you hallucinate and see people exploding…and she sold it when she sang…with her band…that played in alleys…and somehow the ginger was all mixed up in this too…Yeah, that totally made sense. Totally.

He hears the sound of a door closing, and when he turns around, the woman and the man are gone. The only thing left on the street corner is the box thing.

The milk bottles start clanking together, like there's some kind of earthquake. But that's impossible, there wouldn't be an earthquake here, he's nowhere near a fault line…

Darkness falls. He looks to the sky and screams.

000

She opens her eyes and finds herself back in the white room. She's been here before, when she first started traveling with him again, and then every time she got hurt before, with other him and this him, but not before that when everything was dull and gray.

She can't even think without her thoughts going in circles now. Sometimes, she still can't even think, and she doesn't know if that's good or bad or neither, sort of inbetween-ish like him and her and friends and more. It's been like this ever since he started doing that thing he does with her and she can feel him inside her mind and he starts doing things, gentle and loving and picking up the pieces like he never did with any other adventure and mending them like he always did with her and the world and the universe and tiny insignificant things that meant everything.

She gets up and walks out, to the room with a name she doesn't know or can't remember where everything happens and they go places from. He's there, and she's there, not herself but other she, the loud lovely one who takes care of them and yells and says things to hide the fear she holds inside.

Then everything tips and shakes and falls, including her and other she and him, like it always did when he flew but he isn't flying, he is standing and confused like he always gets and got when she crossed too many lines, blurred lines that had to be crossed but couldn't be for reasons that neither of them had set but both believed.

She, proper she, not other she, who has a name but proper she doesn't know it, gets up and walks to the door as him and other she stand and shout something about confusion and fear and some anger, but not too much. They always open the door when they travel, and everything always falls and shakes when they land, so that's what she does.

Outside is floating dust and dark color and bright fire, nothing like he's ever taken her this time, but always outside the window of so many other places he has, hurtling through the stars or whirling around a world, always flying somewhere. There's a word for this, the light and lack of it and the floating nothing all around, but she wouldn't know it even if she did.

"The TARDIS is still in the same place, but the earth is gone, the entire planet!" He says from behind her, and in front of her and on her sides where his arms are, all around to hold her back from falling, safe from the cold…and close to him.

Something is wrong, she knows because she knew his voice and learned his voice now and learned it again before, and with so much learning and knowing she must be right. He's confused, and she should be scared, but he's with her, holding her, and nothing can be wrong then, nothing has ever been able to be wrong this way. There was life outside, and there should be now but isn't, and he will bring it back and smile and be happy that he has won once again, saving everything and everyone and her.

He will save her, if she needs to be saved, as she needed to be saved when he took her from drab and dull to exciting and dangerous. He promised, and he always keeps his promises.


	17. People of the Earth

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Doctor Who, or the Beatles, or Pandora Radio, or a three-foot-long snake. Not that most of these are mentioned in the chapter, but I thought you should know...

**Spoilers:** Stolen Earth, which, for those who don't know, is the beginning of the end of s4. However, there will be **Spoilers** from now until the end of the fic. These **Spoilers** will be for the Stolen Earth and Journey's End. These **Spoilers** are not minor spoilers but major, plot point revealing **Spoilers**. You have been warned of the **Spoilers. **

A/n: This chapter should have been published earlier. But writer's block, school, a skiing trip, and a trip to New York (alas, not New New York, that would have been amazing) conspired against me. Then I re-read the first few chapters of this, looking for inspiration, and I realized, wait! I don't NEED dialogue! This story is about...whatever the opposite of dialogue is! Inner monologue or something! I can write lovely vague-ish stuff about that! And so a chapter was born :)

000

It happens all over the earth: shaking, falling, and darkness. The darkness is the worst of the three, brushing that deep primal fear of the shadows. Children cry and latch on to parents at the darkness; they know that nothing good can come here.

The adults are more foolish. They walk outside and gasp and point to each other, "Look at the planets in the sky! Where'd the sun go?" They're afraid, yes, but their curiosity overcomes their fear as always happens with humans. They always do this, follow their curiosity, always have and always will.

But curiosity didn't only kill the cat.

In New York, a woman takes charge, looking for the injured and an explanation; searching for the only person she knows who can help. When that fails, she looks for a second option, always a backup plan. She learned that the hard way, but she is the only one who remembers it.

In Cardiff, a man does the same, though he has fewer people to care for and more ideas about what could have happened. He knows more about what he sees than the rest perhaps, because of his age, or because of his upbringing, but even he doesn't understand entirely. He knows at least enough to fear for his friends' lives. Not his own, though, never his own.

In Ealing, a woman searches for the answer, calling on her considerable resources in an attempt to find it. Of them all, her son has the closest guess so far as to the cause of the darkness, and she knows the most about who is behind it, but she doesn't know that her knowledge has any bearing yet. She is the wisest to the ways of the world, but even she will be tested by the coming ordeal.

They all have something in common. They all know who can save them, who _must _save them, who always saves them no matter how hopeless the situation. And how can things be any more hopeless than now, with the sun gone and death raining from the sky in the form of an enemy thought long dead? How can he not come, and yet how can he find them?

He can only find them by following a miniscule trail made by tiny, insignificant insects, but he doesn't know that yet. He's close to discovering it, close to understanding, but he's only just discovered what makes the lost planets special, how they react with each other, how they form the ultimate engine. He doesn't have a clue about where to find them, and even if he did he wouldn't be able to. He can't find what doesn't exist in the universe properly, not without help.

The people of earth haven't figured out how to help him, not yet. A woman, ex-prime minister, hasn't made her last effort to save the world yet. The earth's captors haven't taken any prisoners yet. The hidden phoenix hasn't risen from the flames.

But She will rise, and She will pass judgment, and none will be able to stop Her.

000

A/n: Short, but now I have WINTER BREAK and have LOTS of free time (yay). No more school eating up seven hours of my time every weekday...

This fic is now an adult in the wizarding world! Yippee for the fic! What's that? Your first legal act of magic as an adult is going to be to summon reviews? I don't know, fic, that might be hard...still, you're a big girl/boy/inanimate-object, I'm sure you can do it!


	18. Dalek, Doctor, and Mickey

A/n: HAPPY NEW YEAR!

000

Everything is ready.

The message is prepared.

The earth will be subdued.

The plan has been put in motion.

The Reailty Bomb is being primed.

The test subjects will be harvested.

The fleet is in formation.

The Crucible is defended.

The Doctor will be defeated.

The message is sending.

The message is being received.

EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

000

He's needed this, the thrill of adventure, the sense of urgency, the mystery, everything.

Ever since he _found _Rose—yes, think of the positives, he found her and she's all, well mostly, well not at all in one piece, but he's helping her—he's been feeling a little lost. He lost—he _temporarily_ lost Rose, and his memories of her, and that scared him. What if he hadn't found her? Who else has he forgotten—who else has he failed?

He could partially distract himself, taking Donna and Rose to bright, happy places, places where there was no—well, only a little trouble, nothing major, nothing that could really hurt them. He could pretend, for them, and maybe for a few moments it wasn't pretending. But when they were both asleep, when the TARDIS dimmed the lights in an imitation of nighttime, when everything was quiet and he was alone, that's when the thoughts crept in and whispered in his ear and made him question himself.

And then the earth disappeared and now they're hurtling through the universe after a trail left by _bees_ of all things—one more thing to thank Donna for, pointing that out, he never would have noticed. They're nearing the Medusa Cascade, now, beautiful place—

Oh.

The trail, it's gone. Vanished into thin air.

He's failed again. The earth is gone.

Next to him, he can hear Donna yelling at him, demanding that he keep trying, that he find another way. Rose is next to her, looking from Donna to him and back again, seeming so confused, so lost. Two people he's failed, and now they might be the last of their species.

Just like him, and it's his fault this time too.

000

This whole thing is just too weird.

After he had that dream, he started trying to figure out a way to find the Doctor. It took them all ages, and he learned more than he ever wanted to about quantum physics, but eventually the torchwood team got the dimension cannon up and working. He must have walked through a hundred dimensions and time periods but never found anything.

Until he materialized in some random street and saw the dalek, that is. He recognized the damn thing from Canary Wharf, so he did the obvious. He shot it with his incredibly awesome gun that he somehow convinced Pete to give him.

_Then_ it turned out that the people he'd saved knew the Doctor, or one of them did anyway. It was too perfect to be a coincidence, but he didn't know what else to call it. It wasn't like anybody could have arranged for him to meet Wilfred and what's-her-name, Sylvia, that's it. Even if they could have messed with the dimension cannon's coordinates, how would they have managed to bring the other two to that same spot at exactly the right time?

As if that weren't bad enough, the laptop had started beeping and now he's staring at Harriet Jones, Captain Jack, Sarah-Jane Smith, and some woman that he doesn't know but who apparently traveled with the Doctor and he'd really like to meet.

This has to be the Doctor's fault. These kinds of things always happen to him and the people around him. Crazy, impossible things that don't make any sense. He used to be normal before he met the Doctor, just some bloke living in a flat with a girlfriend and a job and a _regular life_, and then ol' Big Ears showed up and turned everything upside-down.

Oh well, no time to dwell on that now. Time to find the Doctor and Rose, get rid of the daleks, and save the world, but not necessarily in that order. Oh yeah, and meet that woman. She was hot.

A/n: Writing the dalek's perspective was so much fun… in reply to your review, , I would love to go to the _city_ of New New York, which has normal cat-people instead of psycho cat-nuns. And now I'm referring to cat-people as normal… ah well, I always knew I was crazy.


	19. Rose 5

**Disclaimer: **Okay, you caught me. I actually _do_ own Doctor Who, along with the government (all of them), the internet (bought it from van Statten), and basically the world in general. Now I'm afraid I have to send my ninjas to kill you.

A/n: ...huh? Wait, what? Uh...I'm just gonna go over here and...umm...yeah, school is tiring...blah.

**Spoilers:** Basically all of The Stolen Earth/Journey's End. This **Spoiler **Alert will last until the end of the fic. If you have not finished s4, do not read this, because there will be **Spoilers**. You have been warned.

000

Everything was on fire for a moment, and now he's excited. He would be excited because everything was on fire but only if it was a happy fire and not a sad fire and now she's going crazy because fire can't be happy or sad except for the fire they saw together in that place at that time…oh look, more people.

More people.

People are dangerous, people can hurt you, people are scary and frightening if you don't know them because they can take you and get inside you and twist you and break you until you can't even see and then leave you somewhere until he finds you and saves you but it's confusing and nothing makes sense then. _Don't talk to strangers Rose, don't take rides from strangers_ but she did and he was wonderful and he saved her from the bad strangers so aren't strangers good? No, they can't be, not unless they're _him_ and none of those people are him.

She grabs his arm and holds him close, he'll keep her safe from the strangers they won't hurt her if he's there he would never let them hurt her except for that one time with _them_ when he couldn't save her and he left her _there_. She knows he couldn't save her, he said so, but he said he wouldn't leave her before he lost his old face and when he rode through a window but if she doesn't have him she has nobody because they're all gone somewhere else. Besides, _they_ had to drag him away.

What if the strangers try to drag him away from her?

She holds on tighter, she won't let go she _won't_, then grabs on to the nice lady, that's a good name for her until she knows remembers the real one. She doesn't want to lose either anyway and the strangers can't take them away, she won't _let_ them…

The strangers look confused by this, especially the one that reminds her of something or nothing or two things that are exactly same but completely different and the older one that she remembers like a dream with the younger one that she's never seen before. Then the one she knew twice starts yelling and _no please no don't take them away I don't want to lose them please please please no…_

"Rose, it's okay, they're friends. They aren't going to hurt you. Look at me." She needs him to tell her it's all right like he always used to and always does and always has to because she needs him if she's going to get better, and he promised she would get better so of course she will. She needs him to protect her, so she does what he says and tries not to let him know that she's thinking of _them_ because that would make him sad.

He knows anyway, she can see it in his eyes, but he takes a deep breath and pushes down the pain and tells her, "I promise, none of these people are going to hurt you. None of them would ever want to hurt you." He's promised, so that means it _must_ be true. Right?

The people disappear in a blur of black and white, and he turns to fiddling as the nice lady holds her and murmurs soothing nothings that shouldn't make her feel better because she's older now but do because she can only act like a child, which hurts the most about healing because now she knows that she can't think but can't figure out how to fix it on her own.

Then a voice comes back, a new one, and he doesn't look so happy to see the new stranger. He glows blue on top and he looks old, unbearably old, too old for words and too angry to care. He scares her, this new old man, more than any of the others because at least she'd seen some of them before even if she's never seen them.

But she had seen him, angry and shaking and arrogant to the last, fighting death and tears and memories of things she can't imagine and has never tried to because she's always known from the look on his face that she can't. He's hurting, badly, so badly, too badly, with the look on his face that he had whenever he offered someone help even though he knew they would turn him down, whenever he had to hurt people to save even more, whenever he remembered that thing so terrible that it can't be said or even thought of before he changed.

And now, whenever he looks at her and promises with something that's almost tears in his eyes that he _will_ help her and she _will _get better and it hurts her more than anything.

The new old man disappears just like the strangers did, and he's whirling around everywhere like he can't stop or else everything will fall apart when really it will only be him because if he stops he'll have to think and thinking hurts. She looks at the nice lady, and the nice lady looks at her, and they both know that there's only one way to help.

So they walk over to him and put their arms around him, and she rests her head on his shoulder in silent comfort and the nice lady murmurs soothing nothings to him, because even though he's old he's still young enough to need a hug when he's scared of the Big Bad Scary Things, and that's the end of that.


	20. An Explanation

Okay, so this is not another chapter. Weeeelllll, technically it is, since Fanfiction says it is, but there's no actual plot. Weeeellll, there is plot if you got confused by the last chapter and stopped reading halfway through, but that would be silly. No, this is an explanation of what the hell happened last chapter, since it's weird and strange and doesn't make too much sense.

Alrighty, so when the TARDIS starts following the subwave signal, everything lights on fire for a bit, which if you've seen the episode recently you know. However, happy fire and sad fire isn't just Rose going crazy, it's different occasions (happy fire=bonfire/celebration, sad fire=death, destruction, despair, all those lovely D words that go along with explosions and whatnot).

Nextly (is that a word? No? Well it should be) Jack and Sarah Jane and Martha appear on the screen and start talking to the Doctor. They're the strangers that she starts freaking out about. Now normally Rose is okay with being around people, but normally those people aren't in the TARDIS, which is her safe place for just her and the Doctor and Donna (aka the nice lady, see what I did there? I swear, every time I can't figure out what to call Donna I always end up referencing the library episodes). Also, she doesn't realize that they're all on a screen, not actually _in_ the TARDIS, because she's still more than a bit crazy and doesn't recognize/remember that things like video chats exist. She starts to think that these strangers are just like the people who first took her away from the Doctor and made her insane (see chapter 4) and that just makes things worse.

When Jack and Sarah Jane see this, they get confused because they don't know that Rose isn't in her right mind. "The one that reminds her of something or nothing or two things that are exactly same but completely different" is Jack because she remembers him from when he traveled with her and Nine, but she also remembers him from when he took care of her starting in chapter 7 and since she still can't think straight she isn't able to connect the two memories. "The older one that she remembers like a dream with the younger one that she's never seen before" is Sarah Jane with Luke. Rose still can't quite access her memories from before she went insane (all this "before" and "after" stuff is so annoying to rephrase…I'll stop complaining now), so everything's still fuzzy, like a dream, and since she never met Luke, "the younger one" that confuses her even more.

Then the Doctor comforts her and Davros starts interfering with the signal and Donna starts treating her like a kid and shushing her and hugging her (you know what I mean, right? When a kid gets hurt and starts sobbing and someone picks them up and hugs them and starts going "shh, shhh, it's okay…"). Of course, Davros being the scary a-*runs and checks the rating of the fic* K+, better not take a chance—Davros being the _very very_ frightening man that he is, she freaks out some more, realizes that the Doctor is freaking out too, and figures out that he needs her and Donna's help. And they hug him and do more of the sushing and hugging thing mentioned before.

So yeah, that's chapter 19 explained for you. If you didn't need any of this and I've just been making a fool out of myself, that's great! If you basically understood what was going on but this clarified a few things for you, even better (I don't like feeling like an idiot…I don't know, maybe it's just me). If you didn't even try to read the chapter but decided to completely skip it for whatever reason and read this, then GO BACK AND READ IT MISTER/MISSY/FORMAL PRONOUN OF AMBIGUOUS GENDER I would appreciate if you would read the previous chapter since I did work hard to write it and I would prefer if you didn't ignore it.

Yeah…I'm bad at writing endings…I'm even worse when there's no story to write them for…I'm just gonna…go now…bye!


	21. Jack and TARDIS 4

**Disclaimer:** I own. Not Doctor Who, but other things.

A/n: I am so sorry for not posting this chapter sooner. There were reasons, some of them were actually good ones, but I'm pretty sure that nobody wants to hear them (there _might_ be a voice in my head yelling, "Just let them read the chapter already!" but I'm not entirely sure...).

**Spoilers:** Basically all of The Stolen Earth/Journey's End. This **Spoiler **Alert will last until the end of the fic. If you have not finished s4, do not read this, because there will be **Spoilers**. You have been warned.

000

There's no way he's going to get away with this, but for some reason Captain Jack Harkness doesn't seem to care.

Yeah, so the Doctor will probably mess up his vortex manipulator once this whole thing is finished like he did the last time they saw each other, but figuring out what the _hell_ just happened since he was gone will probably be worth it. And saving the world of course, but compared to getting information out of the Doctor that will be a piece of cake.

The press ofHe presses a button and _wham_ he's in the middle of a London street devoid of life except for the Doctor, Rose, a ginger, and Mickey (and when did _he_ get here? Scratch that, _how_ did he get here? He saw the security footage from Canary Warf, he knows that Mickey went to the other dimension).

"EXTERMINATE!"

He sees the dalek glide out from behind a corner out of the corner of his eye. Time seems to slow down as the others see it too with varied reactions of horror and confusion. Its blue eyestalk swivels around for a moment before focusing at last on the Doctor, and screeching its war cry once more. That's when he finally remembers that he's carrying a gun, for this exact reason, and he should probably use it. So he does, just in time to stop the dalek from firing its own weapon, and it explodes with a bang.

Everyone just kind of stands there in shock for a moment before Mickey breaks the silence with an awed, "Damn," and somehow that just sums up this entire day.

They all do the obvious thing and head into the TARDIS before another dalek shows up and blows them all from here to kingdom come. They have a nasty habit of trying to do that, and it kind of hurts. Besides, there are some things that he needs to ask the Doctor and the middle of the street where anybody could show up really isn't the best place to do that.

Mickey, though, beats him to it and starts shouting all the things Jack wants to say, like What Happened To Rose, and Who's The Ginger, and What Are We Going To Do (although that one's not really a priority for some reason, probably because the Doctor doesn't actually have a plan and they all know it). Then Ginger starts shouting back, something about how she doesn't know who the hell he is but he can just shut up and sit down because they've got a bit of a problem outside, in case he hadn't noticed, and they kind of need to save the world. And she has a name, it's Donna thank you very much, so stop calling her "the ginger"! Besides, what business does he have with Rose anyway?

Of course Mickey says that Rose is his g—EX-girlfriend, which is new since he didn't admit it last time they met. This doesn't stop the shouting, not in the slightest (actually he thinks Donna is getting even louder—she's really protective of the Doctor and Rose) and they somehow drag him into their argument and now he's shouting too and—

"AAAAH!" Rose's scream splits the air he turns to see her curled into a ball on the ground, holding her head with tears pouring down her cheeks. Like a kid, he thinks, a little kid when all the adults are fighting. What happened to her?

000

The poor girl. She still doesn't fully understand her surroundings or what happened to her, but she knows that she should and that hurts her when she can't. The yelling from the companion, the Fact, and the Other Boy only make it worse for her, but they don't see that until she hits her breaking point and screams.

Oh, she knows that they're only yelling and fighting because they don't understand what's happened, because they all know different parts of the story but none know the whole. He's not helping either, but instead putting off telling them by bustling about looking busy, and then by taking her to the medical bay to rest even though he knows he'll have to tell them eventually. He's never been good at talking about his mistakes.

They'll The other three will probably shout again though. Can't they see that shouting doesn't actually _do_ anything? It will only upset her, and then he'll either get depressed or angry, and then who will take care of those daleks?

No. She is not going to be upset. Somebody has to be reasonable around here.

Well, first things first, help him and keep him from feeling too bad about himself. She starts with her, dimming the lights a bit, and—

Oh.

_Oh._

The daleks put her in a temporal prison. That means they're going to take her away…to their ship…their Crucible.

That's bad. That's very…tired, she's so…tired…she has to stay…awake…she can't…

Sleep.

A/n: When the daleks put the TARDIS in the temporal prison in the actual episode, all of the lights go out and the Doctor says they have no power. I took this to mean that the temporal prison is like a tranquilizer dart for the TARDIS.


	22. Donna and Rose 6

**Disclaimer**: May I please consider this disclaimed now? Or do I have to hire one of those adorable little trumpet boys?

A/n: Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I actually have an excuse this time, or rather, several excuses that all fit in under one subject-midterms. Yes, I have been waging war against the dreaded Terms of Mid, and though I have defeated some with a rousing victory, I have fallen at the hands of others. (The only beast fiercer than a Term bred in the barren country of Mid are the dread Finals, especially those from Cumulative, though I thank the gods that those are as yet hibernating from the cold of winter and shall not arise until summer is nigh).

**Spoilers:** Basically all of The Stolen Earth/Journey's End. This **Spoiler **Alert will last until the end of the fic. If you have not finished s4, do not read this, because there will be **Spoilers**. You have been warned.

000

"And you were brilliant," he finishes with her. She smiles because it's sweet of him to say, even if it isn't true. Still, it's nice of him to try, and the thought is what counts and all.

It took long enough to get to the dalek ship that the cute guy, Jack from Torchwood, and the new guy, Mickey or whatever, had time to corner the Doctor and get the whole story out of him. Not without some comments from her, because you really can't count on a crazy spaceman to tell a story straight and especially not a slither-outer like the Doctor. Of course once that was done the boys had gotten into a fight because apparently the new guys were both incredibly protective of Rose. It had been up to her to calm the poor girl down and she eventually had needed to move her to the medical bay just to get her away from the noise.

Now, though, they are all assembled once again in the console room and the Doctor is doing what he does best and making everyone feel important right before they walk out into certain death. Really, it's ridiculous the amount of certain death they walk into on a daily basis. It was bad enough the first time she met him with Lance and that ugly spider woman (and how did he ever find that thing attractive? At least _she_ is human! And yes, she is well over Lance, the bastard, thank you very much) but ever since then it's been "Run for your life!" at least once a day. She doesn't know how he gets into so much trouble, she really doesn't, and she's right next to him half the time.

As soon as she walks out of the TARDIS her ears are filled with the sound of robotic voices chanting the same thing over and over: "Daleks reign supreme! All hail the daleks!" Then a deep voice to her right says something about how great daleks are or something, and when she looks she sees that it's another one of the monsters only in a different color. It looks really ugly; someone should tell it that red's not its color.

Suddenly the TARDIS door slams shut, but Rose wouldn't close it would she? But maybe she's trying to hide from the daleks, and Donna knows she feels safer in there. But without the Doctor? It doesn't make sense, but there's no other explanation and when the Doctor asks her to open the door nothing happens. Unless the daleks did something, but Ugly Red over there keeps insisting that he didn't do anything and that the Doctor's tricking them and that the TARDIS is a weapon.

Then the TARDIS drops through a trapdoor in the floor and all she knows is that everything's about to go to hell in a hand basket and fast.

000

She's burning. She can hear the screams coming from deep inside her mind outside (him outside, the other inside, not possible can't happen her brain hurts), can feel the pain resonating down the lines between him and her and herself (lines of thought, lines of emotion, lines that don't exist the way the screams in her head can't exist), though time and space, never ending and never beginning (never felt this before). She can feel the fire hotter than anything she's ever known or imagined (not her knowledge but things she's known before she met her doesn't make sense what's happening) and it _hurts_, more than being taken away from him, more than what they did to her, more than when he sent her away (Gone have to get him back he doesn't want her he needs her always).

And now she has been sent away again without him, only this time he hasn't done the sending and she is in more danger of dying than before (always in danger life's not safe not this life not that life cars and diseases and wars feel safer with him). He said he would keep her safe, didn't he? So why did he let this happen (Why did he let this happen her head is killing her)? He sent her away last time they faced the monsters (gods and demons and angels and people dying everywhere), he sent both of them away. But they dared to disagree, dared to go against everything he told them, dared to take a chance and look into each other's hearts (Her head it hurts it hurts something exploding in the back of her brain expanding and opening free at last)…

_…Bad Wolf._

_ Golden light flashes around Her, light that She creates and controls. She controls time and space, life and death, and She has created this moment…_

_ …"Doctor!" The girl goes flying towards the void, towards infinity, towards death. She reaches out, slows the fall, lessens the pull just enough, and instead of emptiness the girl slams into a white expanse of wall…._

_ …"No!" He lunges forward and grasps for the small hand being pulled away from him. He's so close, almost got her. The so-called doctors of the Reformatory tug her away just as their fingers brush, filled with the burst of strength She gave them…._

_ …He opens his mouth to ask what happened to his favorite blonde time traveler, to argue with the man with the new face if he left her or fight with him if he lost her, but She pushes the memories aside before he can get the words out…._

_ …The girl stands in front of a broken shop window, staring at the flap of black cloth in her hand. She reaches around and ties it on the girl's head, for when they dance he must not recognize her face…._

_ …He wanders through the galaxies and onto the small planet, older and more tired than ever. She guides his eyes to a notice fluttering in the wind, "Public execution today…"_

_ …He doesn't know what to do as he stares at the girl lying limp in the bed. What's wrong with her, what happened to make her like this? She whispers in his ear to look and see, to heal what's broken as only he can…._

_ …Moments, seconds, instants when things could have changed completely. She slides them into place, pushing them all down the path of Her choosing. She has seen the other possible futures, but She does not care for them._

_ She flies from the flames and into the heart of the monsters' home, leaving a trail of fire in Her wake. She does not care if anything is burnt; the only things She cares about have been gathered together by the Enemy. She will save them soon, but for now She will destroy all those who would kill them._

A/n: Anybody get the Howl's Moving Castle reference? The book, not the movie. Donna and book!Sophie probably would have been good friends. Maybe the Doctor and Howl, but that I'm not so sure about. Somehow, Donna and Sophie just seem like they would immediately be friends and start mocking their oh-so-powerful-and-mysterious men (is that the right term? Because while the Doctor and Donna aren't at all romantic towards each other, I have the feeling that at the same time they sort of belong to each other, just in a platonic way). Howl and the Doctor would have to bond over the shared experience of being pushed around by the sassy women in their lives.

And yet my battles with the Terms of Mid rage on, for there are still two of the terrible monsters still abroad in the land to be defeated! One is especially fearsome, the Term named PreCalcAccel! But for you, my fair readers, I might have lost hope of ever posting this chapter in the face of such mighty odds. Alas, perhaps some REVIEWS shall urge me onwards...


	23. Dalek Caan

Disclaimer: ...With my freeze ray I will STOP the world/with my freeze ray I will find the time to find the words to/tell you how/how I don't/ own Doctor Who (I've been listening to Dr Horrible's Sing Along Blog too much...)

A/n: Challenge time! I'm going to make references to season/series 1,2,3, and 5 (because there aren't any daleks in s6, and the entire story is already in s4) and you all (or y'all if you feel like reading in an American Southern accent, which is always a fun alternative and I might start doing) get to find them!

**Spoilers:** Basically all of The Stolen Earth/Journey's End. This **Spoiler **Alert will last until the end of the fic. If you have not finished s4, do not read this, because there will be **Spoilers**. You have been warned.

000

He knows the moment She breaks free, can feel it in his mind like a beam of sunlight. She showed him sunlight, always shows his kind sunlight. Sunlight is everything, changes everything, gives everything a new birth, and She brings it to him. It makes him wonder if the Creator ever saw sunlight, if he would be as he is if he had.

He can feel the havoc She wreaks like fire on his skin, endless flames against the cold and dark presence of the Creator. It hurts, but kind of a good hurt. In his mind's eye he can imagine her, shining and golden as She eradicates the others who seek to destroy reality.

The others, who seek to destroy the man She loves.

His kind has never understood the concept of love, but they have learned to recognize the biological and mental responses it produced in the life forms that felt it. Rapid breathing, increased heart rate, the foolish urge to sacrifice their own lives for the sake of the ones they loved. The other daleks see love as a weakness and their lack of it as another way in which they are superior. Only one ever felt differently, and he was destroyed.

But Her…from the first She exhibited these biological indicators of the emotion called love, and yet because of it She has become strong enough to eliminate his entire species. Because of Her love She is superior to the daleks, and that is incomprehensible to them. Even now, even after being enlightened, the idea of the power of Her love is impossible to grasp.

The Creator speaks to his captives, gloating about his plans, and speaks once again of the prophecies that have been fed to him. They are lies, the prophecies, lies that She gave to him to tell the Creator so he would bring the Doctor and the Children of Time to this place, at this time. She made this moment, and he is only her instrument to command as She pleases. She has revealed the universe to him in a way that he never imagined possible for all, and for that he will follow Her and do Her will forever.

So for now he promises the Creator a universe filled with daleks, a universe where he rules over all, a universe where no one may stand against him. He promises a time of ending, then laughs because that part, at least, is true…

000

A/n: Awww, Caan has a crush on Bad Wolf...sort of...a little bit...in a creepy psycho-I-would-destroy-the-world-if-you-asked-me-to kind of way but all's well that ends well, right? Okay, so y'all don't know how this ends, so I guess that's a bad use of the phrase, but _**I**_ know the ending and I'll tell you now, Rose and Caan do not go galloping off into the sunset on a rainbow unicorn...and now I want to write a crack fic where that actually happens…this is going to be a problem.

Review please! (I couldn't think of any witty way to ask, and I do love hearing your thoughts on the story. Seriously, reviews are like skittles, fluffy kittens, and British television all rolled into a ball and tied together with sparkly wrapping paper and ribbons for me.)


	24. Martha

**Disclaimer:** Idon''tmineeitherbecauseI'''tcare!

A/n: Okay, so this is late. As in really late. As in six weeks late, which is ALMOST five and a half weeks but...not, so I can't even say, "Hey guys, I get that this is late, but always wait five and a half hours/weeks and hahaha aren't I clever." Honestly, I would have posted this earlier (as in three weeks ago) but there were some issues and things didn't get where they were supposed to go in time so I"M SO SORRY! And thank you **pedomellonaminno** for (very kindly and politely) telling me to get up off of my fat donkey and write this condemned by god chapter.

**Spoilers:** Basically all of The Stolen Earth/Journey's End. This **Spoiler **Alert will last until the end of the fic. If you have not finished s4, do not read this, because there will be **Spoilers**. You have been warned.

000

She doesn't understand why any of this was important, why the Doctor is staring at the glowing golden girl who stepped out of the TARDIS like she is both the end of the world and his salvation, why Jack looks torn between despair, joy, and borderline terror. She doesn't understand how the broken zombie of a person she'd seen on her mum's computer screen has become this…this…

How do you describe someone who radiates absolute power, who can capture awe and fear just by standing still? What can you say to label the wildfire of righteous fury burning just beneath Her skin? Where do you find the words to communicate the different kinds of love that shine in Her eyes as she looks at each and every one of them, even her who had only seen her the one time?

She can see pain in those eyes, too. For one endless moment when the only thing that exists are herself and Her eyes, she sees the person underneath. She sees a mind ripped to pieces and slowly, oh so slowly stitched together by a man who is too afraid of making a mistake to take the necessary risks to save it. She sees a heart broken by the knowledge that She would have to leave the one she loved without so much as a memory of Her. _We love him, _She says. _We love him with all our hearts._

Yes, they do, but though she still loves him she is no longer in love with him, no longer hopes that he can love her back the same way. She had understood that he didn't do that, and now she understands that yes, he does do that, but not with her, and that's fine. He had always been missing something when she traveled with him, only it wasn't a something so much as a someone, this unearthly woman in front of her.

But maybe they're more similar than she first thought. She can see a spark of jealousy in those eyes at time spent with him, time they could have shared. She's felt that jealousy, only she didn't realize it at the time because how can you be jealous of something that you don't know exists? She can see someone who's made mistakes, someone who's cried and who's felt guilty and who's raged at the world. She can see someone who's done impossible things simply because there's no other acceptable option.

_You understand._

She walked the world in the Year that Never Was. She's been grimy and tired and hungry, and she's done the impossible because it needed doing. She understands.

In that endless moment she sees the pain, sees the love, sees the complexity of Her existence, and at the very end of it all, in its most basic form, she understands.

_Thank you._

And then Her eyes rove onwards, the moment ends, and the world swims back into focus.


End file.
